Maybe, baby (From Western Telegraph)

Maybe, baby

I found out I was pregnant when I was 17. I was reaching an age when I could finally make my own choices. But at that moment I was left with only two.

I could have had an abortion and carry on leading a normal life, or keep the baby and risk the chance of forfeiting my goals. It took me five minutes to make that decision. But it will take my whole life to deal with it.

Nine months later Taylor-Marie was born. If only the midwives could have supplied me with a manual. Surely they wouldnt just let me walk out of the hospital a week later with the responsibility of another human life. But they did. I suffered from depression after she was born. I would think back to my schooldays ... days that were often wasted because of my own behaviour. A few months before I fell pregnant I had decided to turn my life into one worth living.

I had started in the sixth form to resit my GCSEs and to take a GNVQ in health and social care. I had wanted to be a social worker, but I would need to get a degree, something that would now be impossible due to my situation.

I was sick of having to rely on benefits, my life being controlled by someone I would never meet, someone who had the power to determine what my life was worth.

I wanted more for myself and, more importantly, for my daughter. I enrolled at Pembrokeshire College to study media production. These were to be the hardest two years of my life. Having to arrange everything around my daughter was very stressful. Nothing could ever be a straight yes or no answer with me. I found myself exhausted.

But here I am today, six months after gaining a National Diploma in media production. I am off benefits and working as a trainee reporter for the Western Telegraph. I always say that Taylor-Marie is the best mistake I ever made. I just wish I had made it a little later on.

I am finally reaching my goals, but I have had to take the scenic route. I am not the only teenage mum and I wont be the last. But something needs to be done for young people to make them aware that they have choices too.

I dont think enough is done in schools today to teach children about the emotional side of a sexual relationship. It sounds great to have a baby of your own, who will make you the centre of attention. But that doesnt last long.

Looking after a baby is the most stressful thing I have ever had to do. Once you have a child you have to be responsible for him or her 24 hours a day. You cant just leave them in a corner when you are tired or bored. Also a baby comes with a lot of expense. Things that I took for granted when I was living at home - food, electricity, gas and phone bills - are now my responsibility.

Childcare doesnt come cheap either. Nearly half my wages are used to pay for someone to look after my daughter while I go out to work. Trying to juggle a career, run a home and look after my daughter is not easy. But then again no-one ever said it would be. Although I wouldnt change things, I often wonder what I would be doing with my life now, if I didnt have a child.

I would be able to go out with my friends whenever I felt like it (which is now a rare treat) and not have to worry about finding a babysitter. I would only have to get myself ready in the mornings and I could have a lie in every weekend.

But theres no going back. This was my choice and I am responsible for it. But if you ever find yourself in a similar situation and decide to keep your baby, dont think that it has to be the end of your life. Your life will change. It wont be easy. But you can still achieve things as long as you are prepared to work hard for it.

You must not sit around waiting for things to fall into your lap.