Controversial chips ban follows Pembrokeshire beach cigarette ban

There will be no butties at Broad Haven, no fries at Fresh West and no sglodion at Saundersfoot when the ban begins today (Friday).

After a controversial trial of banning cigarettes at Little Haven beach, the council has turned its attention to tackling widening waistlines on the waterline.

“We don’t want Wales to become a nation of whales,” said council health boffin Trent Sidebottom.

“Unfortunately having a bag of chips at the beach in Pembrokeshire has become as natural as digging an unfeasibly big hole, or avoiding a wildly out of control dog and we have to break this habit.”

Like the cigarette ban, the chips ban will be entirely voluntary and there will be no enforcement of any kind whatsoever. None.

But officials hope that a “few signs or something” will make people change their behaviour and opt for a packed lunch rather than a sweaty paper bag full of deep fried regret.

But for some the chips have really hit the fan.

“This is the nanny state gone mad,” said burly builder and chips and rissole lover Nigel Codd.

“A bag of chips on the beach is as British as getting a pizza or curry on the way home from the pub,” the 24 stone grafter said.

“They will have to pry my jumbo battered sausage from my cold, dead hand”, he added, although it remains unclear whether jumbo battered sausages will be affected or not.

Local chip shops are also up in arms.

TJ Fishlock, owner of ‘The Frying Squad’ chippy, said: “People have been eating chips on beaches for 500 years.

"And they’ll be eating them on beaches for another 500 as well, I’ll tell you that for nothing.

“The taste of sand in your chips is a British institution.

“You will be able to smell vinegar drifting on the warm summer breeze for ever."

Hank Butterscotch, Wales spokesman for the UK Chip Independence Party (UKCHIP) said: “This will batter the tourism industry.

“There’s a time and a plaice for everything.

“Except this.”

Strangely, the ban will not apply to the beaches at Caldey Island.

“Friars and chips go hand in hand” a spokesman said.

• As most have guessed, this was our April Fool story for this year, although we did manage to catch a few people out on social media. Here's last year's effort which also caught a few out.